My experiences with Desteni

Why did I join Desteni? What does “joining Desteni” even mean really?

When I look back at my experience, “joining Desteni” literally consisted of me starting to write out the thoughts and experiences I am having throughout my day, and starting to see the structure of where my thoughts are coming from – what is triggering them, what beliefs and definitions are behind them, and then applying Self Forgiveness — within understanding that thoughts are in fact not who I really am, but merely functioning as a preprogrammed system that I have accepted and allowed to exist within myself. When I began applying Self Forgiveness, I started stopping thoughts. I started stopping my mind. I did the same with every reaction, every fear, every movement of feeling or emotions that would arise within me during the day. Because, what did I actually do first, as my first “Act of joining Desteni” — I started breathing. Well, I had always been breathing, but I had just never noticed. Why? Because I was in my mind the whole time — in my thoughts, consumed, possessed by thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Now I came across these people saying “hellooo!!! Thoughts, feelings, and emotions are not who you really are! They are a preprogrammed system you have accepted and allowed to exist within you, as you, that control and possess you in every way, to the point where you are not even aware of each breath in every moment! You are not even HERE in your body in every moment, but are actually off in multiple alternate mind-reality dimensions. And what are you actually thinking about? Fears, anxieties, desires, fantasies, nasty stuff, imagining stuff, pretending stuff, making yourself feel stuff. You are creating a multidimentional alternate, virtual reality within yourself through this system called the Mind! A Mind Consciousness System!

Now, it was suggested that one bring oneself back HERE to the breath – the in, and out – in every moment, to begin becoming aware of allllllllll the movements of mind taking place literally in every moment, a constant stream of thoughts, feelings, and emotions TRIGGERED by things! And then to look at the shocking fact that I actually physically move my body and participate in my reality as DIRECTED BY / CONTROLLED BY these thoughts, feelings, reactions, emotions that just ARISE as TRIGGERED within me! I mean — I immediately saw the shocking absurdity of this within myself! I mean, HERE I was now all of a sudden, breathing for the first time in my life — well, you know, being AWARE of each BREATH for the first time in my life, actually standing HERE in every moment as this SILENT space within myself, this SILENT, STILL PRESENCE of AWARENESS HERE — that has always been HERE which I never noticed, and literally looking at these “things” appearing within myself, possessing me for a moment, and then leaving. Only to return when the same trigger point is encountered again as I am walking my day!

So, Desteni shared perspectives on the nature of how the Mind is actually a preprogrammed SYSTEM designed to enslave beings within a self-accepted, limited existence as merely an energy source for this system of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that just functions as a robot basically.

I mean, I realized I have been this walking robot my whole life — going where my thoughts, fears, resistances, reactions, feelings and emotions told me to go. And it was suggested to look at the fact that I am HERE, and that—-hey, we are each HERE the same, and that — whoah — common sense is that — who I really am is Life — is a being that is HERE and has been HERE this whole time, but, “dormant” in a way – as the mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions had completely “taken over” and ME as the silence, the stillness, the awareness, the presence of HERE in every moment of breath, was suppressed as I was possessed by my mind as this personality I had become.

I mean, I realized — who I really am is not thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Simplistically. And through Desteni I was able to read about and hear about the experiences of other human beings who had also realized this and been applying themselves with self forgiveness to literally stop and delete the mind as the preprogrammed system that has been accepted and allowed to be believed is “who we really are”.

So, since I saw for myself that my mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions is in fact – NOT who I really am, and had already proven to myself that Self Forgiveness and breathing actually are quite effective in stopping the mind and returning to myself HERE in every moment of breath — my life changed. Because, the more I began applying self forgiveness and understanding the ins and outs of my mind through writing myself to freedom, the more I began to see that: I have never lived. I have only existed as a system directed by the mind. So, I myself began changing in ways that I could not have conceived of through my mind in the past — because, as I began stopping my mind — I began emerging more as ME, HERE — able to actually EXPRESS myself and LIVE myself in every moment — actually participating as MYSELF HERE in every moment, instead of being CONTROLLED by a system called the mind!

Really quite a fascinating experience that is not able to be comprehended or ‘dreamt up’ in the mind, as the mind is merely a program based on information and knowledge that has in fact come from someone else and is thus only just the past. Whereas, as I began STOPPING the mind, and emerging more as ME, HERE — for the first time seeing my reality, seeing this world, seeing other beings, seeing what is going on in existence, I began seeing, experiencing, realizing, that which is not based on the past – that which is not based on knowledge and information — because, it is just ME — me directly understanding myself, directly understanding what is going on, how I have created myself as this human being, here in this life, here on Earth. And, what is cool about being HERE as the breath, HERE as that which is HERE and remains HERE — I can let go of all knowledge and information – I can let go and just be HERE. Here where I am actually blank, empty, silent, still – and yet STILL HERE, with ALL that is HERE – seeing all that is HERE — and seeing that, who I am actually affects what is HERE — what I accept and allow in myself, as myself – affects what is HERE, because what I am accepting and allowing to exist in myself, I am accepting and allowing to exist HERE — HERE in everyone else. Thus, I saw the simple point of my responsibility within Equality and Oneness — I saw how we have created what is HERE to become the world that it is today, filled with conflict, abuse, suffering, confusion, people that do not understand why or how they are here or what is going on, greed, corruption, poverty, starvation, war, deception, fear, survival, death, pain, torture — all ONE and EQUAL to our initial accepted and allowed starting point of ourselves as SEPARATION — with each actually fundamentally as themselves HERE standing in separation of All as One as Equal Here — standing in isolation, which is exactly what the MIND is a manifestation of — it is how we have manifested ourselves as a result of our separation. Becoming merely an isolated entity existing only within our heads as these ghostly thoughts that haunt us in every moment – yet we actually believe we ARE thoughts only! We’ve separated ourselves from ourselves as Life as All as One as Equal to become these systems of thoughts, feelings, and emotions – which function as energetic patterns that repeat, over and over again systematically — and which are obviously shaped by factors in our environment as we are born into this world and begin to grow up. We learn to think, and we are taught to participate in and create systems within ourselves by those who came before us, who already were existing as these systems. So — that’s what I realized when I began listening to the Desteni material and then looked at my own life and experience. I realized – I was just HERE in the physical reality, in my body, breathing when I was born – and then gradually as I got older I was taught to create systems in myself, and gradually defined myself more and more according to systems, until I ended up “all grown up” completely separated from ME, HERE in the physical, as the breath, in my body – to become this entity of thoughts, feelings, and emotions, existing in my head — where my body was now controlled by these systems. I was in essence, removed from the equation and replaced with this cloned robot, that was programmed to create and participate in systems within myself through and as the mind, according to the instruction of those in my environment who taught me. I mean, I was literally brainwashed.

And I started to see what I had not been considering, not been noticing, not been seeing during my life as a brainwashed system robot — I was not considering the massive suffering and abuse existing in this world! I was not considering the beings in this world as One and Equal with Me Here, as we are all Here Equal and One in the Physical in every moment of breath, but rather was shut up inside my head, looking “out” at the world from within my own “inner world” of problems, desires, wants, dreams, hopes, feelings, emotions, etc. I was “busy” apparently “living my life” and wondering things like, “how can I get more money”, and “why do I get angry”, and “how can I get a relationship to have sex”, and just constantly thinking about stuff all the time, totally occupied within my own mental world — never actually considering another being, never actually considering myself even, and I was just a system, as I had suppressed myself in fact, as I became this system.

When I found Desteni and joined others in applying myself with the tools of Self Honesty, Self Writing, Breathing, Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Application — when I realized “oh shit, I am HERE and have suppressed myself to become this system”, and then began dismantling the mind, stopping the mind through breathing and self forgiveness, I literally became the solution to all my problems. All my problems of inner struggle, confusion, conflict, emotional turmoil, etc.. Because, I was finally able to understand these things, these experiences, as what they really are — which is just a programmed, systematic experience of energy that I created, accepted, and allowed within myself through and as the Mind Consciousness System.

Basically, I found inner peace gradually – because as I began deleting this thing called the mind which had been possessing me, I began to emerge as Who I really am as Life, Here in every moment of Breath in Self Honesty, Self Support, Self Stability, Self Trust, Self Acceptance, Self Love, Self Nurturing. And I began to, for the first time in my life, actually express myself. I began to express what I was seeing in myself, and in this world I am in, Here with all other beings.

I began making videos, songs, writings, exposing and taking apart the problems of this world, the problems of massive abuse and suffering that is accepted and allowed in this world, because I had begun to see within myself, how we had created ourselves to become these things which harm each other — through suppressing ourselves as who we really are as Equals, as One, as Life, to become these things called the Mind that exist in complete separation of each other, of what is here, that are merely trying to survive and fulfill our energetic needs and addictions as feelings and emotions, through holding in place certain relationships in our live, and earning money to physically survive and “have a life”. I mean, I began to see that our entire current world system / money system is based on supporting only the MIND — supporting only SEPARATION, I mean, only in complete separation can beings stand by and allow starvation to exist, war to exist, rape to exist, violence to exist, and say that apparently “I can do nothing and I am not responsible”, as they continue to daily accept and allow the current system to continue, within which such atrocities continue daily, perpetrated by, and accepted and allowed by, human beings existing as programmed, Mind Consciousness robots.

Since 2008 I have been participating in my world in a different way than I did in the past. I am not longer trying to seek fulfillment of self interest according to the specific mind-program I was previously possessed by, but am standing up for All Life, standing for the end of all abuse, all separation in this world — standing for the solution as us taking Responsibility for what we have created as ourselves, as this world, and changing ourselves – stopping the mind and emerging as who we really are, as Life, as Equals, as One — to no longer harm and abuse each other through existing in apparent separation of each other, but to honor each other, and establish a new world where we do what is Best for All and make this world the place it should be – which is actually Heaven on Earth. Whereas now, we have Hell on Earth. A Hell of separation. A HELL of the mind.

I am not interested in allowing HELL to continue. And neither is any other Destonian.
We have become the solution to all problems in our own lives, the solution to all inner hells of the mind, through taking Self Responsibility and stopping the mind with Self Honesty and Self Forgiveness. And we stand to bring about a real solution to the current HELLISH world system / money system which support the HELL of the mind to continue. We stand for an Equal Money system, a system that will end the atrocities of poverty and starvation. A system that will no longer allow people to abuse in the name of self interest.

It takes people that have changed themselves, to change this world. And this is exactly what a Destonian is. A Human Being that is changing themselves — to be able to bring about a change in this world. We are in fact being the change we wish to see in this world. Because, we have finally realized in exact specificity exactly HOW the world must change. It must change in a way that is Best for All. Thus, we end all separation and self interest within ourselves, and are changing ourselves into beings that in fact Do what is Best for All — within the realization that, in doing what is best for all, then I am actually doing what is best for ME.

End your possession.
End the inner hell.
Establish Self Support in changing the way you are living, so that your actions can daily accumulate towards a new world that is best for all and bring about an end of all abuse and suffering once and for all, through standing Equal and One with All, HERE as who we really are as LIFE, Here in this physical reality called Earth, to stop being a mere power source for a programmed system called the mind, and to start LIVING, and EXPRESSING, as a REAL BEING that will actually remain eternally HERE — not as the source for a programmed, limited system, but as the SOURCE — as LIFE ourselves.


  1. Cool Matti, thanks, stop being all day in the mind without being aware as breath, then see how you r creatin everything.

    Yesterday i read the chat on the forum, what a dream you had! I also had a very bizarre dream tonight, i'd like tp knpw if you found already were to see the video of demon speaking about dreams? I couldnt saw it complete and now is no more on youtube. I suppose if we don't find it now maybe in some weeks when videos r uploaded again


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