One of the primary tools I’ve used in changing myself is writing. When I started applying the Desteni message, which is that of breathing, self honesty, writing, self forgiveness, what discovered I can actually, in fact understand how my mind works, where my thoughts are coming from, how I am creating my feelings and emotions. And, I came from a history of anger and confusion and frustration with life – all emotions. But, I had believed that these emotional experiences are just ‘who I am’. What I found with self-writing in self honesty, is that my mind is not just ‘who I am’ – it is a system of self programming that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – built, developed over years, in many breaths, many moments where I created a belief, an idea, accepted a definition in unawareness of what I was doing, and these beliefs, definitions, ideas, accumulated as the foundational constructs of information underlying my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. What I found with writing is that I’m not just ‘having these feelings’ because they are just ‘part of who I am’, and ‘because that’s just the way things are’. No – what I found is that I am creating my feelings, emotions, and thoughts – creating these energetic experiences within myself based on my own accepted and allowed self programming as definitions, beliefs, ideas, acceptances.
When I was a lightworker, participating in spirituality – I had no understanding of this. All I experienced was my feelings and emotions and thoughts, and believed that in focusing on different feelings, different thoughts, different pictures within my mind – that’s how I change myself. But – I never changed myself, never changed who I am in fact – I only just upgraded and shifted my self programming, utilizing different self definitions, beliefs, ideas in complete unawareness, because I was only looking at the energetic experience as feelings and emotions within myself. It was like only looking at the picture on the screen and changing the channel to a different picture, and believing that is what change is — without any understanding of how that picture is being created. With self writing, what I did was to stop changing the channel – stop focusing on trying to experience some feeling, some energy within myself, and bring myself to the simple, silent point of breath – where there is no energy moving, no mind moving. And from this point, begin to write out my experiences I was having in and as my mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions. And in the writing, I could actually investigate in words, what is this feeling actually based on? All I did was to start applying self honesty in looking at my experience, doing it in writing so I can look at it from a stable point and not get lost in thoughts and experiences in my mind.
For example in looking at the feeling of bliss and excitement when I would read messages from channelers telling me that ‘first contact is almost here’, and ‘you are on the ascension path’, and ‘great magnificent changes will happen in 2012’ — what I used to do was believe that simply because I felt good hearing those messages, that that was an indication that it is real. lol. Not at all. I mean, when I self honestly looked in writing at ‘why’ such messages ‘make me feel good’ – the answer was clear: It felt good because my actual starting point of myself here in this world was that I wanted to escape what is here, to a different reality. I mean that simple self honest point I had never seen as a lightworker – because I focused only only on the feeling, not on the actual starting point within it. In further questioning my starting point of wanting to escape what is here – I found for example that I don’t like that I am struggling to earn money to survive and exist in this world, I don’t like that there is suffering in this world, and for example wanted to be able to fly around and ‘feel free’ of this world — so when I heard the messages telling me I am ascending and that I will be experiencing a wonderful higher dimensional reality where I am not limited, and that when I die I will ‘return to who I really am’ in a higher dimension — I was immediately filled with hope and excitement and happiness – I felt relieved, because this message was in line with my desire to escape what is here. But, I saw the delusion in this when I saw the simple point that, in all my experiences and applications within spirituality, I had never ever been presented with practical tools to support myself to look at my actual starting point in self honesty. So, I had never faced the actual point that ‘I don’t want to be here’, and ‘I want to escape’. In fact those statements were not even clearly defined within myself – all I felt was a feeling of wanting and desiring something else, something better, something ‘more free’.
Writing assisted me to be able to self honestly look at who I really am – my actual starting point underneath the feelings, the desires, the emotions, the excitement, the hope, the fantasies.
And with writing I was able to further investigate why I wanted to escape what is here in the first place. What I saw was that in fact I felt useless, it felt pointless to be here on earth because it is so messed up, such a struggle, and I have no idea what to do. But, finally I also saw that, going into my mind and fantasizing about some ‘higher dimension’, believing that I am ‘on my way to a new world’ through simply thinking about it and feeling it based on the stories I heard about it, is complete self deception. I mean, the only reason I participated in such fantasies like ‘ascension’ anyway, was because I actually had no understanding of how this world practically works – how we have in fact created this world to be what it is. So I could see no solution. Which is why I felt useless.
But when I started applying self forgiveness and just breathing here in every moment, being here, stopping the mind, stopping the fantasies, I was faced with the realization that – hey, I am here. I am not going anywhere. And we are not going to change this world through fantasizing about some wonderful pictures in the mind – I mean, I had already proven to myself in writing, that this was delusion, because my entire starting point had not been that of ‘love’, or of being a ‘higher being’, or of having ‘higher consciousness’ — it had been the desire to escape what is here because I felt useless. So I stopped spirituality completely and just focused on being here – paying attention to the physical reality, and in this I simply started standing and walking with Desteni, because what we at Desteni are doing is focusing on a practical solution for this world through taking responsibility to change ourselves from a starting point of uselessness and self interest and mind delusion, to that of standing here, as all as one as equal as life, and looking at what is best for all here on earth. And from this starting point, doing the necessary research and work that must be done to actually have a new world. Working with the physical actuality of what is here – and in this we can all equally work with what is here, work with the same considerations, work with the same tools — because, we see the simple fact that we ARE the same in terms of being a human being, here in this world, all one in being made of the physical, all equal in essence as Life – and, in standing as all life seeing – hey, if I come into this world I would like to come into a world where I am supported – and if we bring about a world that supports everyone equally, then each of us as individuals will be supported – so therefore, what is best for all as equal, is best for me as the individual. I mean, bringing about a new world system is the obvious relevant point that requires our attention as a group as humanity – to end poverty, war, starvation, abuse.
But I was not able to come to this realization, and not able to stand up and take responsibility to start doing what is best for all, until I started taking responsibility for who I am as my mind, as my thoughts, feelings, emotions, desires, fears, hopes, wants – I mean, to simply accept these experiences and not investigate exactly where and how they are being created within ourselves, is to accept extensive limitation and self neglect. I mean, how can we say we understand anything if we don’t first understand ourselves in fact? How we are creating ourselves?
This is why writing is so important, because without the stable point of writing, one just goes around and around in the mind trying to figure things out, constantly generating feelings and emotions and thoughts and opinions and beliefs – without getting to the actual information, the actual underlying self programming that is creating those thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
I mean the mind is a program – you have to actually open it up and look at the code, otherwise you just stay trapped in the experiences being generated, without directly seeing and understanding what is underlying the experiences.
It is just like in the matrix movie – from the perspective of there being a picture reality that everyone is experiencing, completely unaware that there is all this code underneath, creating the experiences they are having. The mind is the same – we cannot know ourselves / neo ourselves, until we learn to see the code – our accepted and allowed code as self programming. It sounds complicated but it really it not. All it takes is to start writing from an effective starting point.
I’ve been writing extensively for the past 4 years, with breathing, self honesty, and self forgiveness – and I’ve come to understand things I could not have possibly imagined when I was stuck in my mind, trapped in the experience without seeing how I am creating it. You can’t imagine it because – your imagination itself is based on a self program! I mean, where are those pictures in your mind coming from? lol – you’re not actually making them up as an original thing — they are based on memories, definitions, ideas, acceptances, knowledge and information — are you aware of all this programming underlying your imagination?
Time to become the Neo of our own self created Matrix as the Mind – time to free ourselves from the illusion. No one can do this for us – not a psychologist, not a scientist, not jesus, not aliens — because, it’s you – it’s who you are – it’s all inside you, as you. Learn to work with yourself, learn to write yourself to freedom – so you can stand up and be part of the solution in this world. Become a free being that is here as Life – and stop yourself existing as a limited, self programmed energy entity in the mind.