In the Russian news, a man who got angry in reaction to the service of salespeople in a car showroom, got into his car and drove it into the showroom, hitting multiple cars. He was complete ‘sober’.
Now, most of us will never in our lives get to the point of such an extreme act of anger / emotion; we just hear about it in the news. But in my process of Self Honesty, working with writing to walk through how I participate with myself, in my world, and with other beings, I’ve thus far found many scenarios within my life where I have accepted and allowed anger / emotion to cause me to participate with violence in ways that I would not have previously defined as ‘violent’.
For example, getting frustrated with fixing something, and going into a momentary emotional ‘possession’ where I smack something or move something aggressively / roughly / with anger, or clench my teeth or fists, whereas, the moment before – such aggressiveness / anger seemed not to exist in me and my body was relaxed. So, it’s the same as the man driving his car into the building, just at a ‘smaller scale’ – it’s exactly the same acceptance and allowance, just with a more ‘powerful’ momentary emotional possession.
So, in walking my process I’ve seen in myself the tendency to look at big, extreme examples of behavior such as anger, that you hear about in the news, and see it as being something that ‘that person does, not me’. Even though – in accepting and allowing even one moment of emotional possession where I walk / move / interact with my reality / with others in a violent way, such as moving something roughly, smacking something, walking with aggress / anger in my movement / facial expression, I am participating in the exact same point as the person who takes such emotional possession to an extreme level.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I hear about people doing violent things because they got angry, not see that I also accept and allow myself to participate with myself / with my world with violence / anger: when I get frustrated and smack my desk, when I get frustrated and clench my fists or my teeth, when I get frustrated and stomp around, when I get frustrated and yell, when I get frustrated and hold my face in a clenched expression
Therefore I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and see that I also get possessed by anger, not just violent criminals
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my own anger possessions as ‘normal’, as a ‘normal, acceptable part of who I am’, instead of realizing that – I’ve only accepted this because that’s what everyone else has accepted before me, and that’s the example I was shown when I entered this world at birth / during my formative years growing up
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that in allowing myself to be taken over by emotion such as frustration / anger for even one moment in which I hit something / smack something / move / participate with aggression – I am actually a violent person
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my own outbursts and possessions of anger / frustration / impatience as ‘insignificant’ events, when looking at the entire world – instead of realizing and seeing that in me accepting and allowing myself to go into moments of anger / frustration / impatience where I actually participate for a moment with physical violence / aggression in my reality, I am giving permission through the example I am showing as myself, for all other beings to also participate with anger / frustration / impatience / violence / aggression – and therefore I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that even one moment of anger / frustration / impatience / violence / aggression that I accept and allow within myself, as myself, is significant, as within my own starting point of accepting it as okay to participate as such within my world, I am supporting the entire world’s acceptance of such a a starting point
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that, in accepting and allowing myself to be taken over / possessed by emotions leading to outbursts of anger / frustration / impatience / violence / aggression, my very relationship with myself is actually unstable, as shown by my very experience of myself being influenced / changed by my emotions – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the very conflict / arguments / violence / aggression / impatience / frustration / instability within my relationships with other human beings, is being manifested by our own unstable relationships with ourselves
Within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed and accepted myself to see and realize that just as the conflict / argument / violence / aggression / anger / frustration / impatience that manifests in my own relationships in my own life is being created through my own accepted relationship with myself and others being that of accepting and allowing myself and those in my immediate world to exist and participate within emotional possessions– so the conflict, violence, aggression I hear about and see in the news that manifests between individuals and groups is being created through the exact same accepted starting point
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the reason that ‘control’ exists in this world – as the ‘control’ of groups and individuals who act out aggressively / violently / with anger, and the ‘self control’ of myself, wherein I attempt to control my emotions to not act out with aggression / anger / violence, is because of the acceptance of emotional possessions as being ‘just a part of who I am’ – wherein, each actually place themselves as ‘less than’ their own emotions, through saying – this is just part of what and who I am as a human being and that will never change, and so the only thing I can do is try to control myself’ — thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed and accepted myself to see and realize that control exists because no one is actually assisting and supportive themselves to STOP such emotional possessions through first coming to a definitive self understanding / realization of HOW and WHAT and WHERE and WHEN my emotions are being generated / created, and stopping such manifestations within self, to then re-create self’s relationship with self in a way that is actually supportive of practical, effective living with self and with others – and in not coming to an actual solution for self, no one is then able to support others to come to a solution – and thus the only ‘solution’ that exists is that of control = which is not actually a solution, because the very accepted self starting point within self and all of humanity, of accepting and allowing emotional possession to exist in self without realizing how it’s being created, and how to stop it in fact, simply continues – thus manifesting endless cycles of behavior that ‘must be controlled’, and manifesting endless events of violence, aggression, anger, conflict in the world
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself realize that no amount of ‘self control’ will end conflict / violence / aggression in this world, because the inherent accepted beingness of myself / of all others as being something that exists with emotions that can possess me, simply is passed on to each successive generation through us teaching each new generation by our own example, that this is the only way we can exist, and that control is the only ‘solution’ – while no one is actually changing themselves
I forgive myself that I have not, up until this point, seen and realized that I am able to forgive myself and re-direct myself to a way of participating with myself that is actually supportive
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that, when I go into a moment of emotional possession, becoming frustrated and hitting something – I am able to immediately go and investigate in writing exactly what happened and why – I am able to investigate / uncover in writing, the exact event that triggered my reaction, and I am able to see the exact moment in which I allowed myself to start participating in the emotion, I can see the exact moment in which I moved my physical body within an emotional possession
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that, since I am able to see what I am doing, I am responsible for what I am doing, and I am only compromising myself and the whole world, by continuing to accept myself to not take responsibility to investigate within myself how I have created myself this way, and to then actually change myself through stopping myself from participating in such emotional possessions
Therefore I commit myself to, when and as I see that I am going into an emotional possession and allowing anger / frustration to influence me in causing me to move my physical body aggressively / violently / with anger – I breathe immediately and stop myself by focusing on what I can see and touch here in the physical, bringing myself here to actual reality, out of my mind, out of my emotional possession
I commit myself to learning how to effectively write out the event / pattern of my emotional possession to identify the exact trigger points, and identify the thoughts, judgments, reactions that I experienced within myself, which accumulated / compounded energy as emotion within me, which resulted in my emotional possession
I commit myself to learning how to apply specific Self Forgiveness on all the points that constitute my patterns of emotional possession, so that I can release myself from being controlled / directed by energy as emotions, so that I can live and participate here within the stability and constancy of being here breathing in every moment
I commit myself to, when and as I hear about people doing extreme acts of violence in the news, investigate within myself / my life / my participation / my mind to see when and where and how I also participate in / accept and allow such a starting point within myself, and take responsibility to understand the patterns I live, which are based on such a starting point, so that I can effectively stop myself / change myself through first standing one and equal with the pattern in understanding / seeing it
I commit myself to investigating the relationships within my immediate world / life to identify points of conflict / emotional possession that occur, and to investigate how such conflicts / emotional possession keep repeating, through identifying the pattern involved, releasing myself from the pattern through Self Forgiveness, and establishing for myself a new way to participate within / handle / deal with such situations when they arise, from a practical, common sense starting point that is best for all involved – instead of merely trying to control myself / control others