Day 22 – Relationship Failures: The Alien Entity Inside Me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my relationship because I allowed my reactions of irritation, blame, annoyance, judgment toward my partner to compound and accumulate in my mind and suppressed them, so that whenever my partner would move to touch me or want to be touched, I would react in disgust, coldness, and isolation – where I felt like I just wanted to get away from this person because each touch would trigger a rise in reaction within me that felt too much to bear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that this disgust with touching / being touched by my partner had nothing to do with my partner, because at first I did not experience such reactions / resistance to touch — but that was before I started allowing backchat as reactions of irruption, annoyance, judgment, blame to accumulate and compound within me – and thus the reason I didn’t want to touch or be touched by my partner was because I did not want to face my own backchat as my own reactions
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the reason I did not want to face my reactions was because I did not understand how to deal with them and only knew how to suppress them and hold them in, which eventually took its toll as my reactions became a furious, raging energetic entity that possessed me and sabotaged my ability to express myself in the physical with my partner
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I had known how to apply self honesty in taking responsibility for my reactions of irritation, annoyance, judgment, blame, and released myself from my reactions with self forgiveness, I could have then freed myself from my energetic reaction-entity possession so that I could just be here, normal, moving myself as my body in self expression
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the positive energy experiences as feelings that I experienced at first with my partner, was also an energetic entity possession – but at that stage the positive prevailed as we were still fresh in enjoying the excitement of having a new sexual partner and doing things together and enjoying relating to each other’s interests / opinions / personalities — but what happened is that as we started facing each others judgments, conflicting interests and opinions and definitions, one or both of us started reacting to each other because all of a sudden ‘my perfect relationship partner’ was revealing themselves to be in conflict with what I desire in a relationship partner — wherein, at first it looked like they were perfect, but as the truth of ourselves started coming out as our actual conflicting judgments, opinions, definitions, preferences – we started conflicting with each other and that’s when I started becoming irritated, annoyed, frustrated at my partner and blaming them for my reactions — my reactions which compounded and accumulated until I no longer saw my partner as ‘my perfect mate’, but now saw them only as a symbol of unpleasant ‘negative’ experiences which was actually my own reactions — wherein now I was no longer possessed by the ‘positive feeling experiences’, but was possessed by the ‘negative emotional / reactive experiences’, which caused me to not be able to stand being with / touching / being touched by my partner any more and thus I ended the relationship
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that it was not my partner that I couldn’t stand, but it was my own reactions that I could not stand
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the energetic reaction possession I experienced, because I had accepted emotions and feelings as being a ‘normal’ thing that is just ‘who I am’, and because with the negative emotions, comes all the nice feelings of love, attraction, happiness, excitement when I find a new relationship, which ‘make me forget my past troubles’ — except when the relationship fails again when I again have to face my reactions toward my new partner – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept such an obvious cycle of self sabotage as the ups and downs of positive / negative energetic possessions that repeat within me
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I won’t be able to establish real physical expression with my partner until I stop the cycles / patterns of energetic possession from taking over and controlling my physical body through resistances / reactions
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the solution to a stable relationship cannot be energy as feelings, because that is just another energetic possession that exists within and as a polarity along with the negative point as emotions / reactions which are merely suppressed / dormant until my partner triggers them through words / actions / definitions / opinions / interests that conflict with my own — and that the solution is not to compromise myself through suppressing / controlling my reactions or conforming to my partner’s personality to avoid conflict, because then I am still under the control of energy, changing myself / forcing myself / moulding my participation from the starting point of fearing conflict and fearing to lose the relationship
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the solution is to remove the energetic polarities as positive/negative which exist as the emotions and feelings and reactions within and as me – and that to do this I must face my mind of thoughts, judgments, definitions, opinions, beliefs, ideas — in realizing that these are the basis of my feelings and emotions — the basis of the two-faced positive / negative / feeling / emotion energetic entity within me which I call my ‘personality’ – and that I must walk a process of Self Honesty to uncover the roots / origins of this energetic personality, so that I can remove it by the roots with Self Forgiveness, so that I can free myself from the control of energy to be Here in every moment of Breath in the Physical, in and with my Physical Body – where I will stand as the Directive Principle of my physical movements, through becoming the Directive Principle of my Mind — and wherein then I have the ability to establish an effective relationship not based on the desires / wants / needs / fantasies of an energetic alien entity controlling me, but based on actual natural physical connection with another being — and wherein, since I have removed the possessing energetic entity from within myself, I can then stand as an example for my partner of how to live and express as a physical being no longer controlled by reactions, emotions, feelings
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the reason the world is fucked up is because human beings are not here as physical beings living and expressing in awareness of what is best for all, because they are all possessed by bi-polar alien entities of energy as feelings and emotions called personalities which exist only as self interest, which look for similar alien entities to have relationships with, and which go to war with each other when one alien entity does not meet the criteria of the energetic requirements of the other alien entity
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the world could be a different place if humans removed the bi-polar energetic alien entities from themselves, and learned to live as physical beings of the Earth in awareness of how to practically support each other to reach their optimum expression
I commit myself to remove the energetic alien entity from within me, through Standing and Breathing Here in every moment as my Physical Body, Here in and with the Physical Reality, and walking a process of Self Honesty and Self Forgiveness to uncover and remove the tentacles with which the alien entity has inserted itself into me, and I realize it will take time, because the alien entity took years to fully attach itself to me, wherein — when I was born, I had not yet been assimilated into the alien collective, but became susceptible to the alien influence when I started being taught by the other aliens that were my parents and teachers, and started to learn their alien ways of energy as feelings and emotions — wherein, the physical body is the vehicle of the alien, which gets programmed and installed with the feelings and emotions which are the weapons with which the aliens manipulate each other, with the mind being the cockpit within which the alien as pilot resides with its thoughts, judgments, ideas, beliefs and opinions about the other aliens
When and as I find myself reacting to another human being, I realize I am under the influence of the bi-polar energetic alien entity I have allowed to be installed in me, and that my alien entity is currently in conflict with something that is not in alignment with its particular race of definitions, ideas, beliefs, opinions, and I immediately bring myself back to my Breath, Here in and with the Physical, and I go and write out what my reaction was, and trace it back to its origin point where I first started having the reaction, and apply Self Forgiveness to remove all ideas, beliefs, definitions, judgments that caused the reaction
When and as I find that I have allowed my alien entity to expand into monstrous proportions through suppressing my reactions, and I feel pressured to allow the alien to go to war as anger, shouting, yelling, blaming, ending my relationship, or to spite another through using withdrawal / isolation —  I realize I can release the pressure through the diplomatic solution of writing out the monster so that I can face the monster before me in words where it then has no power because I can see it for what it is, and I remove the monster with Self Forgiveness and establish practical Self Corrective statements of how I will now live and express within practical considerations of the other being as my equal as Life Here as a Physical Being, and when and as I find myself tempted to go into reactions when they arise, I realize it is just the alien trying to regain control over my physical body, and I Breathe and bring myself back Here with my Physical Body, and move myself in Self Expression

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