Day 43: Deconstructing my Mothership Contact Experience

So here I’m continuing the walking of all my ‘spiritual experiences’. Thus far I’ve walked through my experience of seeing a blue light / ufo leading up to my ‘spiritual awakening’ experience, along with my experience with ‘zen / spiritual’ environments that I used to solidify my idea of myself as an ‘ascending being’ here on a ‘spiritual mission’ to help ‘raise the vibration’ of humanity through ‘raising my own vibration’.
Here I’m having a look at another ‘UFO’ experience.
Now, I’m sure everyone has noticed that when the sun goes down and the stars start to come out, you’ll see, usually near the horizon, certain stars that seem to ‘twinkle’, and ‘sparkle’, with a multi-colored effect, whereas most of the other stars in the sky will be just white. Also if you look long enough you’ll see stars shoot across the sky, and sometimes they will look blue, or pink, or other colors.
I always wondered what these colorful, sparkling stars, and these colorful shooting stars were, and, fascinatingly, the first place I looked for an explanation was within spiritual / ascension websites – as spirituality / ascension was now the context in which I experienced / saw myself in relation to everything that is here in and as this world. The explanation I found was with channeled messages talking about the ‘galactic federation of light’ – a group of ‘advanced alien beings’ watching over us from near / around the earth, ‘waiting’ for us to advance more ‘spiritually’ before making contact with us / revealing themselves to us.
The websites described such sparkling, colorful stars as huge motherships in orbit around the earth, and that we would be seeing more of such motherships as we moved closer and closer to ‘first contact’. I read that you could send a greeting and send love to these ‘motherships’, and that they would send love and energy in return. The shooting stars were explained as smaller ships moving in and out of the earth’s atmosphere on various missions related to working with energy of light and love of a higher vibration to raise the vibration of humanity / the earth.
After I read this, I immediately started spending more time looking at these stars at night, and within myself I experienced a comfort and hope, knowing that huge motherships filled with benevolent advanced alien beings were in sight, watching over me, watching over the earth, readying themselves to make contact with us and usher in a new age where we all get to fly around in spaceships and explore the universe, and I will be free from the limitations and rules of the world / system I experienced myself within.
I would stand at night and send love and light and greetings to these ‘motherships’ using visualization, and as I did this I felt like I was part of a larger, galactic family of beings, and that I was participating with them and that they were aware of me greeting them and happy that I’ve realized they are there.
One night as I was staring at these ‘motherships’, sending a prayer of love to the galactic federation in the ‘spirit of the fulfillment of the divine plan to uplift humanity into a higher vibration of love and oneness’, I saw, immediately after sending this prayer, a white flash of light in the sky above me, and then I immediately felt a warmth in my chest, like my chest was filled with warm honey, and I was overjoyed and filled with happiness knowing that the galactic federation had received my prayer and sent me this warm energy that I was now experiencing in my chest.
I experienced this energy sensation of warmth as proof that I am now in communication / contact with the galactic federation / advanced alien beings, and this served as further validation of my experience of myself as an ascending being part of a divine plan to raise my vibration into a higher reality and be reunited with my real family of advanced beings of light that exist in a higher dimension / vibration.
Later I read that the colorful, sparkling effect of the stars is caused by ice particles in the atmosphere which is why they tend to be visible closer to the horizon.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately accept / believe the explanation given on spiritual / ascension websites telling me that sparkling stars are motherships / spaceships watching over me, not seeing and realizing that the reason I believed this immediately was because I wanted and desired to be taken away from the earth to fly around and have fun on a spaceship and not have to deal with / experience what I was dealing with / experiencing on earth day to day as my life in the money system with earning money — within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my starting point within accepting the explanation was that of my own self interest / desires and that within considering this explanation I did not once ever consider whether it was even relevant if such spaceships / motherships existed, in relation to what is practically required to support life on earth and establish a system that is best for all
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I looked at the sparkling stars and saw them as spaceships here to watch over me, waiting for me, and experienced hope and happiness — that I was in fact not aware / did not directly see / understand what the stars are, but only accepted it as a picture I see, defined by stories / beliefs / desires in my own mind — wherein, I in fact brainwashed myself with knowledge and information that was in alignment with my self interest, programming in an experience of hope and happiness when I would look at the stars
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify / validate my fantasy that there are alien beings waiting in motherships to take me away at some point in the future, with the knowledge of people’s stories / accounts of seeing UFOS and being taken on board spaceships, and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that even if people were taken on board spaceships, the point that is relevant to consider is whether my participation with / toward the possibility of aliens / ufos existing is based on a starting point of considering how to support life practically on Earth, or just entertain myself with hope and fantasies to make myself feel better about my experience of myself on earth, while actually ignoring the plight of life on earth
Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see that, even if there were aliens / spaceships around the earth, to wait for aliens and ufos to help ‘change the world’ at some projected point in the future while accepting and allowing myself to exist within a starting point of actually ignoring the practical solutions required to sort out this world such as a new system that will end poverty and provide equal support to all, means I am exactly the same as a christian waiting for jesus to come on a cloud and wash away all the sinners and take all the christians away to heaven – just with different pictures and different knowledge standing as the context in which both the christian and the ‘spiritual’ person are actually just waiting / hoping / not taking any action to support life on earth / accepting the current abusive world system that ignores life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see that when I was meditating / sending prayers to the stars which, in my mind I saw as ‘aliens watching over me’, and saw a light flash in the sky and within this experienced warmth / happiness / bliss / joy and then experienced this as ‘energy being sent to me by the aliens / spaceships’, that – I was not actually connecting with / communicating with / sharing a prayer with / receiving energy from aliens / ufos / the stars / the flashing light — but was in fact connecting with / communicating with / sharing a prayer / receiving energy from my own mind — wherein, I actually used knowledge and information describing aliens and spaceships, and knowledge and information describing the intent of the aliens as being ‘here to send me love and light and bliss and energy’, to design my particular idea of what an alien is – I designed the abilities of the aliens, the intent of the aliens, which I then connected with / projected onto / towards the stars and any light that I saw in the sky, and that when I saw the flashing light as I was meditating / sending a prayer to the stars – I immediately defined it as / experienced it as ‘aliens communicating with me’, and within this the experiences I had were exactly in alignment with how I had designed aliens within my mind – which was that they are ‘here to send me love, happiness, bliss, energy, light’ — wherein, seeing the light flash in the sky merely served as a trigger point to access my idea / belief about aliens and their abilities and intentions, which was all based on knowledge and information and stories that I had read about, and used to design my idea of aliens
Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see that – I had no actual direct awareness / seeing of what the stars are — but that the way I ‘saw’ the stars was completely defined by my idea of aliens that I had designed using knowledge and information — and that the specific way I used the knowledge and information to design my idea of aliens, was based on my own self interest as my own desires, wants, hopes, fantasies
Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I was experiencing love / happiness / bliss / warmth when looking at the stars / meditating / sending the stars a prayer / greeting, and when seeing a light flash in the sky, that this was ‘proof’ that I was in contact with ‘aliens’ and that I was successfully ‘raising my vibration’ to a more ‘spiritually advanced’ level — within this validating the entire story I read on websites that, as we ‘advance to a more spiritual vibration’, the aliens will eventually contact us and reveal themselves to us — not seeing and realizing that I was, the whole time, only accessing my own ideas, beliefs, fantasies, that I had designed within my mind based on knowledge and information that I only believed in because it was in alignment with my self interest of wanting to escape my life on earth into a ‘higher reality’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical reality, the earth, that gave me life, through knowledge and information I used to design an elaborate mental alternate reality with aliens, spaceships, and a projected ‘future’ in which I am being taken on board a spaceship and leaving my life on earth’ — all because I had reacted in fear to / toward the extensive problems I saw on earth, and the struggles and difficulties I experienced in my daily life with earning money
Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I never even considered a practical solution to end the struggle on earth not only for myself but for all beings, and immediately looked for something to make me feel better / looked for a way out for myself — and to not realize and see that this indicated that my entire personality even before becoming ‘spiritual’ was already designed within a starting point of self interest in complete separation from Life — because, I never even considered life, not once – I only considered how I could feel better / how I could escape my problems / difficulties
Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that this is the exact same starting point as any other human being within the consumer system that considers only the pursuit of happiness / success / greed / power for themselves — wherein, the only thing they consider is their own ‘experience’ they can have — wherein, the way they present themselves is irrelevant / a lie, and any experience of themselves as being ‘good, caring, more advanced’ is a lie — as the actual physical actions being lived by the being shows no principled action being taken to create a new system for this world that supports all life equally, as the being is being directed completely by ‘how can I experience something’
I commit myself to investigate how it is I came to design my complete self as a personality based on the self interest of only looking for an ‘experience that I can have’, and how it is that I never once considered what it is to practically support all life on earth equally
I commit myself to show how aliens / ufos and all experiences of thoughts, feelings, and emotions in relation to aliens / ufos are just self interest as personal entertainment and are completely irrelevant to the practical solutions required to end poverty, starvation, abuse in this world — in realizing that, if we simply design and implement through majority agreement a new world system based on the practical logistics of how to provide the earth’s support to all beings equally – we can end poverty and starvation — and no ufos / aliens / love and light / experiences of energy / prayer / meditation is required to do this — as the problem is a physical problem with a physical solution, while aliens / ufos and all the experiences associated with them, is an energetic MIND experience one designs using knowledge and information that cannot be practically lived in the physical on earth to produce a world that is best for all — as it is proven that such knowledge and information only produces experiences within the individual, and that, such knowledge and information is only participated in by people with money in this world — those with the free time and the ability to access the internet to read about ufos and aliens and sit around designing ideas and fantasies about ufos and aliens — whereas, such people with money are the ones with the ability to make a difference in this world, the ability to create a new system — and should be using our time to work together as a group within practical considerations of how to support all life on earth — instead of existing in separation of each other / the earth within our own individual mind bubbles of self interest, seeking out experiences for ‘me to have’ so that I can ‘feel better’ about my life and ‘feel better’ about the world
I commit myself to show how how flashing lights in the sky are irrelevant to what is required to practically support life on earth
I commit myself to walk a process of self forgiveness in self honesty to disentangle myself from, and delete from the myself, the elaborate fantasy reality I created in my mind in which I am part of a great divine plan to contact aliens and work with aliens to turn the world into a glowing dream world of love and light and colors and spaceships — in realizing that, changing the world does not mean trying to turn the world into glowing funland of colors and spaceships flying around, changing the world means to change the way we live with each other here on earth, from a starting point of self interest and separation through the mind as a bubble of ‘my experience’, to a starting point of all equally standing here in and as the physical reality and focusing on giving to each other the support we all need to live life effectively and fully — where, we stop valuing fantasies, stop valuing knowledge and information that has been proven to NOT be able to be lived as practical support of all life equal on earth, and start valuing Life, and to align our participation with supporting all Life – and stop supporting fantasies / pictures / experiences in the mind
I commit myself to stop trying to run away from myself / the world in fantasies of being taken away by spaceships, and dedicate myself to standing HERE on earth, in the Physical, and working together with others to establish a new system on earth that is best for all on earth
I commit myself to show how any investigation into aliens / ufos does NOT have priority over establishing a new economic system of equality to end poverty and starvation and abuse — but that only when we have a system that supports all life, will we then investigate / explore what might be ‘out there’ — only when ALL on this planet are in an equal position of having the support to live and investigate and explore what is here, is it acceptable to focus on what might exist on other planets — before then, all such investigations will be tainted with spitefulness, the spitefulness of ignoring those who suffer, in pursuit of our own individual entertainment / experiences simply because ‘I have the money and support to do so’

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