Day 133: Awareness and the Identification with Thought – Part 3 – Self Forgiveness

So this ‘Pure, Conscious Awareness’ permeating / underlying all things, as a kind of ‘non-judgmental’ ‘god’ thing, at first seems to make sense, in terms of it being the ‘solution’ to freeing one’s self from thoughts and Ego, because within Spirituality, ‘Ego’ is mostly defined / equated to specific types of thoughts like ‘I need to be the best’, and ‘I need to be rich’, and ‘I need to have more material possessions’, and ‘that person is stupid’, and ‘the government is so corrupt, they are to blame for all my problems’, where one would have stress and other emotional states associated with these thoughts. And, when one becomes fed up with having these thoughts and emotional experiences it then becomes quite an appealing idea to simply walk through life in this perpetual blissful, peaceful state within one’s self, simply observing things happening, and ‘accepting what is’ without any judgment about it at all.

In essence within Tolle’s teachings, the word ‘Awareness’ can be defined as being the ‘presence’ that is observing thoughts come up, and remaining as this ‘presence’ and not going into the thought – not creating a ‘self identify’ based on the thought, but just allowing the thought to float away. And then basically applying this in every moment.

Within this, the word ‘Ego’ can be defined as when you’re ‘not unconditionally accepting whatever is happening in the moment’, not ‘accepting what is’. And, the way you know you’re in Ego, is when you’re not experiencing the perpetual bliss, peace, and happiness of being this ‘Conscious Awareness’ / Presence’ in complete acceptance of ‘what is’ at all times.

And, then the idea is that when you ‘realize’ that you can observe your thoughts, and not identify yourself with them, and simply ‘let them go’ and remain as this ‘observing presence’ and just completely accept ‘what is’, then you’re ‘Enlightened’ – you’re ‘free of Ego’ because you’re ‘free of believing that you, as this ‘observing presence’ have to ‘identify’ with thoughts’. And, this ‘Enlightenment’ is basically seen as the ‘end goal’ of one’s experience on Earth, and the ‘definitive solution‘ to all the world’s problems, which are seen as being the result of people ‘identifying with thoughts’, rather instead of ‘accepting what is’ from the starting point of being this ‘constant observing presence’ which is defined as ‘Awareness’.

With Desteni I faced a single question, a radical question that I had never considered. Am I, within my ‘experience of enlightenment / awareness’, actually Moving myself, Initiating myself in working to create a world that is Best for all Life? Like, for example with starvation – am I Standing for an actual solution for starvation? An actual solution for the current economic system, that would make sure everyone in the world is fed? See, the problem with being this ‘observing presence’, is that there is this idea that when you’re focusing on something like Starvation, and ‘not accepting it’, and for example are outraged at the suffering of life taking place daily – then you’re apparently ‘judging’ and ‘trying to control reality’, and this is seen as a point of Ego. The ‘solution’ is rather to ‘accept what is’, and just be this ‘observing presence’ in a constant state of bliss. And this is seen as the ‘Enlightened / Aware’ way of living on Earth — to just ‘accept what is’.

But how can I be ‘Aware’ if I’m not seeing, realizing, understanding exactly how the world’s economic systems work, and I’m not able to come up with a new economic system that would eliminate poverty and starvation? I mean, wouldn’t an ‘Aware’ being – someone who is here on Earth, and Aware – be able to see and understand exactly how everything on Earth works and how to direct everything on Earth to a point of what is Best for All? Isn’t it Ego to claim that you’re Aware, when you’re not in fact able to explain how the money system works? I mean shouldn’t the word ‘Enlightenment’ be defined as being Aware of How things work, and how to Create everything in a way that is Best for All, without any point of opinion / belief / interpretation through a point of Self Interest?

How can one claim Enlightenment and Awareness if one is merely an ‘observing presence’ with no actual practical, specific Awareness of the exact nature of the Relationships between each human, animal, and plant that produce the daily events and circumstances on Earth?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that realizing that I can ‘observe my thoughts’, and then ‘let them go’, means I am Aware – within this not seeing and realizing that I’m in an actual Reality with other beings – not just me, and that this reality is shaped through our relationships – for example the relationships that form the Money systems that determine who lives and who dies, and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and see that as this ‘observing presence’, I’ve not actually attained / achieved / gained any practical, specific understanding and insight into how the world works / how the system works — I’m basically the same as any other consumer in the consumer system — but I’m just happier because I’m just ‘accepting what is’ and enjoying being this peaceful, observing presence

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I’ve never noticed that, as this ‘observing presence, if I am not actually Seeing, Realizing, Understanding the exact specificity of how the world works, how reality functions — the world / reality that I am in — that I exist as an experience defined within limited parameters — that I am not actually Aware

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I was Aware, I would be able to face something like starvation and direct the points involved in the creation of this manifestation / condition / circumstance of starvation so that it would no longer exist — and the fact that I can’t yet do this indicates that I am ignorant as to the relationships / factors involved in the manifestation of starvation

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that, experiencing bliss / happiness / joy does not indicate that I am ‘Aware’ — as, in spite of me experiencing bliss / happiness / joy — I have no understanding of how the world system works and how to direct the world system to a point that is best / most supportive of all Life on Earth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in observing my thoughts and letting them go, I am ‘free of Ego’ — instead of realizing and seeing that Ego is to claim that I am Free and have found the Key to Freedom in spite of not being able to actually explain / walk through in exact specificity how my thoughts are created

And this isn’t a judgment, it’s not ‘negativity’. I mean, what I realized when I heard the Desteni message was how extensively we limit ourselves within Spirituality, to this belief that ‘if I look at the problems / atrocities in this world then I’ll be attracting them / creating them’, which is just Fear, because if there was no Fear, and if there was actual Awareness – we would be able to face all that exists in this world, take responsibility and walk everything and everyone to a practical way of life that’s best for all. But instead of seeing that we’re actually in fear, and then forgiving ourselves for our fear, so that we can be free to Choose to take responsibility for this world for Real, we Deny our fear and justify not taking responsibility with this ludicrous idea that if you question the abuse in this world then you’re ‘judging’ and ‘trying to control reality’ — you’re in Ego apparently, and that you should just relax and be this calm, peaceful, ‘observing presence’ that just ‘accepts what is’ because that’s apparently the ‘enlightened’ way. But when Enlightenment is defined as complete acceptance of an abusive money system within which people are allowed to abuse life for self interest — there’s something really really wrong.

More Self Forgiveness to follow in the next post.

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